My inbox has been flooded with Father’s Day emails, I’m starting to feel the gift giving pressure and it’s causing major anxiety. Father’s Day is when I’m reminded of what most Dad’s want, but what if your Dad is so not the all-Canadian, catch playing, Kobo reading, techie? What if he’s more, I still listen to my Walkman – don’t you dare throw out my cassettes, I’ve been through war – no food goes to waste, yes, even the eyes from that lamb’s head gets eaten, I want to call family overseas but I don’t want to learn about Skype – kind of Dad? What do you get someone who seemingly doesn’t need or want anything? Especially not anything current/cool/luxurious?
My Dad is the hardest person to shop for. I buy him something and he’ll complain about me spending money to buy something silly when he doesn’t need anything. Yet, I don’t buy him anything and he tells me I don’t love him. It’s lose/lose regardless, but I think I’ve devised a way to make this lose/lose more of a not quite winning/lose situation.
Let me paint you a detailed picture of my Dad, perhaps yours is like this, too. My Dad is an Eastern European immigrant, he and his older brother moved to Toronto to start a new life, while his 4 other siblings remained in Europe. He’s not the most loving or openly supportive of fathers, but I’m going to blame his cold exterior on the fact that he was raised in an Eastern European home where I can only imagine the children were bred to breed and farm, not love so much. He’s beaten cancer – twice, is at home on sick leave and now that he’s got all sorts of time on his hands has a perfectly manicured garden, barbecues often (but really loves to burn the crap out of the meat – I thought I hated steak but then I had the most delicious medium rare cut of meat and realized… meat can taste good, I never knew). He is very patriotic, I can attribute this to Croatia’s fairly recent independence (yes, I realize it’s not SO recent but he’s still celebrating independence). He has a satellite system set up to catch Croatian television signals because he loves to watch Croatian soap operas, Croatian Idol and Croatia’s Next Top Model (although he’d never be caught dead watching their English counterparts). He’s had a standing subscription with a Croatian magazine that he has delivered to him at the Croatian deli. He has sausage parties in the garage (not what you think) twice a year – he and his buddies get together to make the best kobasa links around. He used to play soccer but now focuses his attention on bocce and some card game, I don’t think its poker, perhaps its skopa.
That’s my Dad and no, he does not want anything to do with the Kobo, Kiehl’s facial fuel kit or an iPad this Father’s Day. Or ever.
Sound a lot like your Pop? I’ve gathered a list of items I think my Dad will thoroughly enjoy; feel free to test these ideas on your simple, yet complicated Papa, too.
Tackling the Patriot
My safest bet is usually something that has the Croatian flag all over it. The thing that’s great about this idea is, it doesn’t have to be nice. In fact the tackier, the better.
Like these Croatian soccer shorts:
Or, if you’ve got some cash money to drop, get this Croatian Grb necklace:
Although, if you’re like my family, you’ve had something like this since the baby shower the family had thrown in your (unborn) honour. So, maybe some jewelry cleaner to polish off the one he already owns.
Books Make You Smrt
My Dad used to be a huge reader, until he got his Croatian satellite set up. I want to encourage him to become less dependent on television (perhaps take a note from his daughter and do away with cable altogether). I recall him saying how much he loved reading Ernest Hemingway and had a bunch of his books that had been translated into Croatian, but (not surprisingly) a gypsy family member back in the homeland stole them from him. I’ve been sourcing out contacts (over the course of the past three years… whoops) to buy some from, do you know how difficult it’s been to find Hemingway books translated into Croatian… even with the internet.
For the Homeland, Get Ready
Power and the Money, Money and the Power, Minute After Minute, Hour After Hour. I love Gangsta’s Paradise and while my Dad won’t get that song reference, he may become a Coolio fan after watching him in Ta Divna Splitska Noc (A Wonderful Night in Split). I saw this movie in The Film Buff a few years back and have been meaning to tell my Dad about it. Basically it follows 3 storylines on New Year’s Eve night in the port city of Split, Croatia. A tale of drugs (port city, obvious drug issues), widows (and she’s probably sporting a entirely black wardrobe throughout the film) and sex (to get more drugs).
Get in Mah Belly
My father loves to cook. My brother and I thought our safest gift was to give him some sort of cookbook. This past Christmas, my brother got him a Jamie Oliver cookbook, a barbecue book and a new apron. I got him a William Sonoma fish cookbook and a coupon he could redeem with me when he had decided what his first recipe would be, I would pick up all of the ingredients for him and only bring home the freshest, best tasting fish. He’s known to host a few fish fry nights throughout the year.
He saw the cookbooks my brother gave him and scoffed at the gift, saying, “Vhat the hell is this? You no think I know how to cook?” Not the case at all, Papa. I didn’t sweat a bit when he reached for my gift, because I thought mine out a bit more. I know my Dad loves to cook and eat fish, but he always prepares it the same, tired, old way. The cookbook I got him has easy to make recipes that’ll spice up his fish dishes.
With the success of that gift, you may like to try this for your Dad. If you can’t find a specific fish cookbook, you can always scour the interwebz for simple fish recipes, type them out (obviously, give credit) and make your own, “To Papa, with fish love” cookbook. Better yet, you can offer to cook him up a recipe for Father’s Day. Cue “awwwwww”.
Back to the Homeland, Get Ready
Our original Father’s Day plan for 2011 was to send Dad back to the homeland for the summer. In a momentary lapse of judgement, my mother asked what he thought of that gift idea. His reaction? “I will not go without my wife”. Why my mother opened up the opportunity to have her man-free summer plan ruined is beyond me.
My advice to you, if you want to send your Dad back to the homeland for a few months, don’t tell him. Just do it. He’ll thank you for it. Eventually.
Bland Up this Father’s Day
You can totally ignore everything in this post and just get your Dad a pair of khaki’s or cargo shorts. Surprise Papa! This is what you’re getting on Sunday! But be sure you give him a lesson in fashion at the same time. I once bought my Pops a brown cashmere sweater, he never wore it. I called him on it and found it hilarious that he was concerned he couldn’t wear the brown sweater because he had no brown pants to match it with. That was the day my Dad learned that denim on denim is a no go.
So, good luck. Get creative. And ignore the expensive iPad emails. Chances are, your Dad misses you and just wants to spend some time with you. Then yell at you a little.
