Category Archives: Life

Oh, Hi(gh) Park

Posted on May 11, 2011 | 2 Comments

“I don’t have time.” I can’t believe I’ve finally taken after my mother and have added that into my daily vocabulary. Shudder. But in all honesty, I don’t have a lot of time on my hands right now. I’ve been settling in to my new job (YA. THAT’S RIGHT.) and new apartment (DOUBLE YA. THAT’S RIGHT.)

I’ve been at my job for over a month now and I’m still showing up every morning which is a good sign. I’m looking forward to getting in to the office each day. It feels great to be in a creative environment, where you feel like the opinions you have matter and are actually being heard. Where I’m not ignored or belittled when I see room for improvement and I don’t have to worry about protecting my work. I’m working in a true team environment. It’s so refreshing. It also helps that I’m a big fan of the company – it has to do with music. Sha-wing.

My apartment is so pretty, too. Who knew I’d be able to transform a ‘sad boy’ apartment into such a bright, airy, pretty place. All it took was some paint, pretty bedding, fancy bedframe and a bit of creativity when it came to rearranging the layout a bit. Even my landlord, who came by last night, was surprised at how different it looked. Good job, me. Penny loves it, too.

I was up bright and early on Sunday, ran a few errands and got prettied up for the day ahead. Olgie swung by for coffee (The Good Neighbour, such good lattes), scones (berry and white chocolate from Cobs – TO DIE FOR) and cherry blossoms (High Park Cherry Blossom Festival). Perfect morning. The cherry blossoms were gorgeous, the park was abuzz and we couldn’t have asked for better weather.

I feel that with Spring comes new beginnings. And I truly am starting my new life, right now. I’m over my transition. I’m a different, better, happier person today than I was months ago. Even a year ago. And most importantly, I truly know who I am, what I want and how to get it. I don’t focus on the negative anymore, because I’ve learned how to remove all negativity from my life and continue to move forward. I’m setting goals again, reaching those goals and challenging myself. Spring has sprung, Ivana is awesome.

And now some more pics from the cherry blossom festival.

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Posted in Life, Toronto, Uncategorized

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Lovers Day

Posted on February 16, 2011 | Leave a comment

No roses left when I got there

Lovers days has come and gone and I’ve survived. Actually, it’s probably the first year I really didn’t care and didn’t have a tiny stab in my heart every time I saw a man-lover rush to the flower store or walk past me bearing chocolates and stuffed toys or bags from Tiffany’s. Have I grown up a bit? Or perhaps I’m jaded? I can’t decide.

I had an awesome day hanging out with some friends, wicked BFF Solange and I met a friend of ours at Union station, she was heading up an event with Mattel. Did you know Barbie and Ken were broken up? And after a full out, nationwide plea, Barbie took him back. As any fictional love story would end, they got back together on Valentine’s Day and to celebrate, Ken was at Union handing out roses to other “dolls” while Barbie spent the day at the spa. I wish them happiness and a smooth divorce. I kid, just happiness, obviously there’s no such thing as Alimony Barbie (yet). I’m looking at my photo with the Ken’s and I can’t help but wish I had a better plastic doll pose, that left hand of mine is a little too awkward.

After meeting some friends for beer and wings, Solange and I caught a screening of Blue Valentine, pegged the ultimate anti-valentine movie. I was looking forward to it and was surprised when I saw a large number of loving couples in the audience, I thought…. ummm, you’re in love, get out of here. While I love both Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams, I was highly disappointed with this movie. I was looking for more fighting, more drinking, more abuse and it just wasn’t there, so when it ended I found myself wondering, well, how did that relationship end? Isn’t that normal? I guess not – looks like Solange and I have been missing out on Disney fairy tale love.

In reading a few reviews of the film, some critics didn’t like how sad it was. Really? I didn’t leave feeling one bit saddened. I didn’t shed one tear. I love sad movies and that’s what I wanted, darn it. It certainly was no Marley and Me where I left a mess and had teenage girls laugh at me (just you wait ’til you put down your first pet, silly innocence). I hate to admit this, but I think I felt more emotion and such after watching The Break-Up… it was totally realistic, n’est pas?

I’ve going to wrap this up before I embarrass myself any more. So what have we learned today? I have poor taste in films and should practice my doll stance in the mirror more often.

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Posted in Just For Fun, Life

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Exercising Patience

Posted on February 8, 2011 | 1 Comment

I wish it were possible to take a picture with my phone of me staring at my phone that included the phone. For now, this will have to do. I am, quite literally, willing my phone to ring. Ring, gosh darn it. Ring and whisper sweet awesomeness into my ear.

I feel like a teenage girl waiting for that cute guy I kissed on the weekend to call me back. Except, I’m not waiting for a guy to call me back and as a side note, teenage boys weren’t interested in teenage Ivana – I had yet to grow into my face. And was a bit weird.

Have been staring at my phone non-stop for the past few days. Checking my emails and ensuring I haven’t missed any voice mails.

Also, am welcoming distractions. Besties dropped by the shop today bearing coffee (which I had no time to pick up on the way to work this morning) and a cookie. More guests like this, please.

Please, I just need/want you to tell me I’m awesome. Because I really am. Kthxbai.

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Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Lacking Comfort

Posted on February 5, 2011 | Leave a comment

Isn’t winter the season of comfort? Comfort foods. Comfortable clothing. Just comfort? I can’t help but feel like I’ve spent this season out of my comfort zone. I feel like I have no familiarity and not knowing what’s going to happen in the next day, week, month is starting to get to me. For years, I’ve been working towards short and long-term goals but being out of full-time work, an apartment, the works, I feel it’s difficult to set goals until I become a bit more committed to the path I’m on.

I’m in a position in which I’m able to do whatever I want and while I’ve got a few ideas and am working on a few things, I haven’t fully committed to one path. There is so much I can do, why not try for all and see what I’m meant to get in to? Right?

I initially started this post with, “whhhhhaaaaaa”. While I’m not in tears about the state of my life, I am thinking about what I’m doing, why I’m here and what I’m supposed to do. It was just yesterday, I found myself on the side of a country road, on the verge of tears, whining about how I want my life back. I’m in this transitional state and it’s killing me. I want things to happen, I want to move on with my life (or rather, start my new one), I had carved out a nice little life for myself since moving out of my parents place a few years ago and while I pretty much abandoned everything I had in the past few months, it was all for the right reasons. I think.

I find myself wondering if I have a problem, I know I’m an anti-hoarder. I purge. Not in the binge and purge sense, but I don’t have sentimental attachments to anything and I worry that when I’m on a purging spree, I can’t stop. Basically, I’m at the point that I’m concerned about the state of my purging habit. I need to stop removing things from my life, get out of this transition, shed my cold Eastern European shell and start adding to my life again.

Until I find something I’m happy to make a part of my life, I will continue to bake. Which I’ve been doing a lot of lately. Baka even likes to watch and comment on how I take after her with all the baking I’ve been doing, yet she still won’t share any recipes with me. Seriously? Seriously. I have a new Baka photo to share, while I wish having these photos up will shame her into passing along these heirloom recipes, she has no idea what the internet is. Or a cell phone for that matter. This is Baka over the holidays, likely after I asked her which of the grandchildren is her favourite (my brother, Jure, first born grandson, obviously).

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Posted in cat, Life, Uncategorized

I Want Ray Ban Vision

Posted on January 14, 2011 | Leave a comment

I’ve rewritten the words to the song below, it’s a bit sad though. I lost my Ray Ban vision. Sort of.

I tried to recreate the scene in my front yard.

Was driving to work earlier this week, it was gloomy, the sun was just dying to come out, so I brought my Wayfarers with me. It seemed silly to wear them at the time, so I put them under my leg – to keep them warm. Have you ever tried to put on a pair of glasses after they’ve been sitting in a cold car? Fogged up lenses, frosted over at times. No good.

Anyways, on my way in to work that morning, I found myself with some extra time, I stopped by Cherry Bomb to pick up some coffees for me and my boss. It wasn’t until I was parking my car that I realize my sunglasses were no longer with me.

Not being ironic. I swear.

I knew immediately what had happened, it’s happened before with my phone, my access cards, etc. (I should really stop putting things beneath my legs when I’m driving). My sunglasses fell out of the car when I got out to grab coffees. Insert 10 expletives. I popped my head into the shop, dropped off the coffees and drove back (for a moment, I thought they were my prescription sunglasses….eeek).

Really, I should be happy I found them, but they were in a terrible state. The lenses were cracked and my poor glasses were flattened beneath a tire. (fyi… Nissan Altima, that was a no parking zone.) (Yes, that note applies to me, as well.)

Anyways, super boss observed the damage and since he has a bit of background in eye wear he told me they may be able to be salvaged. I’m heading over to see what can be done, fortunate I didn’t spring for the classic Wayfarers when I purchased my prescription pair last summer – that means I’ve got a spare set of lenses on hand. Rejoice!!!

Side note: Can I just tell you how my mindset has shifted? Normally, I’d be like, “no biggie! Now I can upgrade to the classic Wayfarers in tortoiseshell with polarized lenses.” Now, now, dear goodness, now my first thought was, “how do I fix this?”. That is what unemployment does to you folks, pinching my pennies resourceful.

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Au Revoir, 2010

Posted on January 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

A little visual rundown of the year that was, 2010:

I ran my first race!

I found this video and still die laughing at even just the thought of it

I went to Boston, attended the 2010 season’s opening day game vs. the Yankees. I wish Toronto was like this on game day.

It was a full house AND Neil Diamond was there to sing, “Sweet Caroline”, like in Fever Pitch.

I was originally looking to link the scene from Fever Pitch passively when I first mentioned the movie, but upon doing a quick YouTube search, I found this one instead and decided to give it an actual spot in this post to honour my eastern euro roots (I swear I hear an Eastern European accent in there).

Boston is also where I rekindled my romance with luscious, red lips.

I got in touch with my creative side and took a silversmith class at The Devil’s Workshop. Where I made this Twitter-esque necklace:

I quit my job (this was the morning of).

I went to British Columbia and fell in love (with the mountains).

You know, that vacation was exactly what I needed at that time. I had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking on my own that trip, to reaffirm my decision to leave my full-time job and reflect on a few other issues that had been bugging me lately. I like to think it’s where I started working on my fresh start. The crappy thing is, the memory card for our camera was messed, we didn’t know it and all of the photos we took were not retrievable – le sigh. So all I have are some I took with my iPhone.

I love to take photos while I’m eating, it’s super classy and clearly at my most attractive.

I flew in a mini airplane for the first time, ever. So exciting. So loud. So cramped. I even managed to nearly knock myself unconscious boarding the place – as I was making a joke about banging my head upon boarding.

I knocked 2 items off my bucket list. Danced on stage while a band performed and danced with a life-sized man hotdog. All at the same time.

And while several other life-changing things have happened, they’re still in the works, so I’m not ready to share, just yet. Hope you all had a great year and are excited to tackle 2011! xo.

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I’m a Year Older, y’know

Posted on December 29, 2010 | Leave a comment

A belated Merry Hoho to all of you. I’m just getting over a nasty illness, so (fortunately) I did not overeat.

I celebrated a birthday a couple of weeks ago. Amid all of the holiday hubub my friends made time to celebrate – because we all knew I sure as heck wasn’t planning anything. I hate having to compete with baby Jesus. For real. Christmas parties book up every weekend, I just don’t want to do it. Although, some years, I find myself wishing I was more important than Jesus’ birth… just give me one year. (I immediately take this back, good ol’ Catholic guilt is on high alert.)

Anyways, two of my besties took me out on my actual birthday. I had planned a nice day to myself, which, too be honest, I was really looking forward to. I had a spa day scheduled at my favourite spa in Collingwood and was going to spend the night in the village at Blue and head out to board a bit the next morning. Unfortunately, I got a call the morning of (which woke me up, by the way) to inform me that the roads into Collingwood were closed and they were closing up for the day due to inclement weather. Seriously. What. The. Eff. I wanted this so badly. So, after some tears and stomps, I picked myself up and went on with my day aka I went to work. Post-work, friends took me for dinner and drinks. It was so nice. They’re special and i wish everyone had friends like these.

We got to the bar after dinner and I ordered what I consider to be the most obvious winter drink (please, please sense my sarcasm): sangria. And made an attempt to take a somewhat artsy photo of my glass. While I did not eat the flower, I thought it looked quite pretty.

The next weekend, a friend was having a dinner party and the sneaky bugger, got my a special dessert cupcake and they even sang me happy birthday.

So, a year older. What came of it? Hrm. A lot, I guess. I’ve learned a lot. Grown more than I could imagine. And have learned how to stand up for myself. I’ve learned it’s ok to do what I want sometimes and that I don’t always need to please people. What a novel concept.

I think I’m finally understanding the concept of happiness. Being happy. Living a happy life. And doing what’s right for me. And I really like it. While 2010 has been my most challenging year to-date, I also think it’s been one of the best years. Because amid all of the awful things I had gone through, there were a lot of good times, too. I’ve met a lot more people and put myself in situations where I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and come out fine. I’ve learned how to enjoy time alone, in public. And while I’ve already mentioned it, I think the most valuable lesson I’ve learned this year is how to be happy and I am so grateful for it. Often times, I think we all think we’re generally happy, but are we? Really?

I’ve stripped my life of everything I had in January 2010. Job. Apartment. Boyfriend. Even cat (although I will be getting her back once I find myself a new apartment). And while this transition was a total shock to my daily routine, I’m so grateful for it. Without it, I wouldn’t have known true happiness. And while, I’m still grieving over the loss of the person I thought and was planning on spending the rest of my life with, I’ve walked out of that relationship learning several lessons. And really, can I say it was a waste of time? Definitely not. I had some of the best times of my life with this guy. I also had some of the worst, but I think that’s inevitable when you spend nearly all your time with this person.

So, yes, I guess I’ve closed this chapter of my life. Moved on from a lot of things and looking forward to what’s to come. It’s like I’m getting to start over again. Except I’m not 19. I’m dressed better, a bit smarter and more confident – so this second go-around should work out fine.

Happy Birthday to me!

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Heartbroken

Posted on December 8, 2010 | 2 Comments

Without giving away too many details, here’s what’s happened in the past few months. S and I are no longer… for a few months now. I couldn’t find an apartment in time to move out, so I had to temporarily move back home with my parents (whomp. whomp).

Now here’s the heartbreak. Penny was not welcome at my parents’ place. I had put up a fight to have my little furball come home with me, however, my Dad is very set in his ways and knows little Peeps would rule the house – he does not like that. The kicker in all of this is that my family has a cat, Kelsey. She’s kinda broken, as in she drools whenever you pet her. It’s gross. And weird. Kelsey also knows that my Dad does not care for animals as pets, only as workers and food. Ugh.

Fortunately, I have an amazing friend who’s offered to care for my little Penny until I get things sorted and someone moves out of the building I’m waiting on (picky, much?). The first night I dropped her off, she totally took over the place, was into everything and did not hide. She loved it. And she still loved me.

About a week had gone by between my first visit and last. I was so excited to see my little chicken last week. I was hoping she’d feel the same. I was wrong. Cat daughter is extremely upset with me. She attacked me. Even hissed (I’ve only ever heard this happen once before). Then went over to her new (temporary) mom, lay on her lap and purred. Then glanced over at me with disgust.

Heartbreak. She better not be behaving this way when I claim her. I’m looking forward to seeing her again. Next time, I’ll bring presents – like that guilty ex-parent who only sees his/her children on chaperoned visits. Meow. And now, perhaps a moment of silence for me and my cat daughter? Here’s hoping things with her get back to normal.

 

 

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Posted in cat, Life

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The Nose Knows

Posted on November 5, 2010 | 1 Comment

I don’t think I ever realized how powerful the sense of smell is. I mean, I always have a flashback to my childhood when I get a whiff of fresh basil (did you think I was going to type cookies?). I remember playing in my aunt’s backyard, she had an enormous garden and more basil than I could dream of. (Think of all the pesto). It remains to be one of my favourite smells.

Last night, I had my first experience with a negative smell-based flashback. I was riding the subway, a man squeezed in next to me. Shortly after he got comfortable, I felt a wave of nausea. I was tearing up. My nose was a bit slow to relay what was going on to my brain, but I could quite literally feel the message travel from my nose to my throat down to my stomach and up to my eyes, finally reaching my brain. This man smelled exactly like an ex-boyfriend of mine. I can’t even name the cologne he wore but it was a perfect match, right down to the strong smell of cigarettes and Halls.

I had a flood of awful memories flash through my head. He was just so nasty, heartless, selfish. I couldn’t dare look up at him, although I found myself wondering if it was him. And if it was, how do I remain covert and hide my identity from him?  The last thing I wanted was to strike up a conversation with him, fake chit chat and feign interest in what he’s up to now.

My stomach suddenly reminded me that I was ready to be sick. I removed myself from the train at the next stop, found a washroom and well, you don’t want the pukey details.

I couldn’t bring myself to look back to see if it was him. Why would I? What good would it do? And you know what? I woke up this morning, not caring that I didn’t confirm who that man sitting next to me was. I like that.

I suppose I just never knew how strong the sense of smell is. I went from feeling so empowered and excited for the evening’s plans to feeling like that vulnerable, weak girl I once was. Fortunately, I’m at a much better place now.

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Where the heck have I been?

Posted on July 2, 2010 | 5 Comments

Hi.

I know, it’s been a while.

I just got access to an actual computer today. Woke up one morning last week to find that someone (cat, S, I’m looking at you) had spilled a glass of water all over our MacBook. It wasn’t good. Repairs cost just as much as a new computer. So, we did what we thought was best – upgrade. This is coming to you from our new MacBook Pro. It’s fancy. I likey.

This laptop purchase came at a scary time. I did something big. Bigger than big. Ready for it?

I quit my job.

No words. I still can’t believe I did it. It took a whole lot of courage, I didn’t know I had. So, why quit? A lot of reasons. I was bored, I wanted to be challenged. I felt I had done as much as I could with the position I was in and it was my time to leave. So you can only imagine when I saw my MacBook dripping with water days before my last day at Romance HQ. I was grateful I had set aside some, “oh, shit!” money.

This is my first week off and I’ve been enjoying some much needed time off. I want to work off the pounds I’ve gained since starting at Romance HQ 5 years ago. I can’t even admit to you how many pounds I’ve gained. I’m so happy to not have to face treats and sweets day after day.

Speaking of losing weight, I participated in a weight-loss challenge with my boot camp group. And guess what? I got in 2nd! I tried, really I did, to lose as much weight as possible. I packed my meals, didn’t eat out, ensured I had enough veggies and fruits to snack on throughout the day so I wouldn’t be tempted to sneak a spoonful of Nutella. And I got more boot camp because of it. Yay! I’m really looking forward to it, I’ve been participating in boot camp classes with Go Girl Boot Camp for about a year now. It’s built my confidence, I’ve increased my endurance, feel strong and I swear, when I flex my biceps there’s muscle and you can see it. Finally!

I’m really excited for what’s to come. A new job,  hopefully soon enough. A trip out west, oh yeah, next week. And a summer in the beach, love it.

Enjoy your Canada Day or 4th of July or plain ol’ weekend folks.

p.s. I’m calling it now, Germany FTW! Hande in die luft!

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